


I'm Seeing Double I Swear

by ObsidianRye



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Fake AH Crew, Fluff, GTA!verse, Gun Violence, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Raywood, Ryan kinda pretends to be someone else a little, Swearing, Violence, he's technically not lying, i don't know how to tag, nothing to explicit, okay he's pretty much lying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-25 05:55:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6183181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidianRye/pseuds/ObsidianRye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray had fallen in love with Ryan Haywood and he couldn't imagine any way the feeling could be mutual. Then he finds someone that actually seems to like him to and he can almost start to forget about Ryan. Maybe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Out With The Old I Suppose

Here's the thing about love, it's great until suddenly it's not. It's all gooey feelings and floating on air until suddenly it's not. Until the gooey feeling starts drowning you and suddenly you feel like you’re trapped six feet underground. Also known as the ever popular unrequited love.  
There was a chill in the air as Ray trudged through the doors of the newest club, or whatever, in Los Santos. Normally he wouldn't be caught dead anywhere near those kinds of places, he hated the loud music and hot air and the too many people in one space, but here's the thing about love. He slunk through the crowd of sweaty dancers who were to drunk or high to tell the difference between their own ass and the ass of person next to them, and sunk into a seat in front of the bar. He didn't actually drink but he needed to get out, to feel the secondhand intoxication of those around him. And maybe, just maybe, he could meet some guy who doesn't look half bad and get fucked to the point of forgetting all about him.

Ryan fucking Haywood. Ray was in love with Ryan Haywood, the mask-wearing, murder crazed asshole who was in his crew. And Ray hated every minute of it. He was in love with the guy, who had never shown the crew his face, and spoke so little Ray could hardly remember what his voice sounded like. He knew it was deep and rough around the edges, but so many voices were like that Ray wasn't sure if it he remembered it like it was or if his love sick imagination curled it into something else. He didn't care- or he did, but he certainly didn't want to. Frankly, he was starting to hate just the word love, because he couldn't start hating the word Ryan, try as he might.

Ray nearly jumped out of his skin as he felt a tap on his shoulder. He was half expecting it to be Geoff or Michael checking out the new place, and absolutely not hoping it was Ryan to take him home. Instead he saw a stranger standing there, and a damn good looking one at that. The man before him had long sandy blonde hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. He was a pretty average looking guy, with the average build of those who "worked" in Los Santos. But his eyes. His eyes were the most spectacular shade of blue he had ever seen. A bright blue like the sky, but there was a dark, muddled part of them that reminded him of a flower that got stepped on one to many times, before it snapped in two. His eyes were a hurricane of colors that surged in and out of Ray in a flurry. His eyes held so much kindness it seemed they would burst, but there was that same dark, muddled part of them that set Ray's spine on edge. He felt his breath catch as he stared into those eyes. A vague sense of recognition flickered against the back of Ray's mind, but it was gone before he could really notice it, let alone grasp it.

"Hi," The stranger said, his deep baritone coating Ray's bones. "Could I buy you a drink?"

Ray balked at the man, the gorgeous man, in front of him. Was he really hitting on him? "I-I don't drink," Ray choked out. Smooth Ray, real fucking smooth.

But the man's chuckle eased Ray's nervous energy slightly as he said, "Neither do I. I do happen to know that this bar stocks Diet Coke though."  
Ray's heart clenched. Diet Coke. Something as simple as that shouldn't be enough to start him on an emotional down spiral. But it was Ryan's favorite drink, almost the only thing he drank really, and Ray couldn't help but find it hilariously endearing. Ray felt his stomach start to churn and he forced the thoughts from his mind and focused on the Golden God in front of him.

"As long as they have Root Beer, you're on," Ray settled a lazy smirk on his features and leaned his elbow on the wood of the bar, casual confidence oozing off of him. The man before him returned his smirk, an almost wicked glint flashing in those astonishing eyes. He settled into the seat besides Ray and faced his grin at the Puerto Rican. The two held a mini staring contest as the bartender poured them their sodas. Ray was jostled back to reality when the glass was planted a hair's breadth away from his hand.

"So what's your name, golden boy?" Ray asked, swirling his drink slightly before lifting it to his lips.

"James," the stranger offered, not batting an eyelash at Ray's remark, "And yours?"

Ray tried to muster as much savvy into the one syllable word as he could, "Ray."

"Ray," the other man purred, twisting Ray's name into something he had never heard before, something silky and hot and fast and gratingly slow. "So Ray, what brings you here?"

"Oh y'know, the usual. My roommates are assholes, and it's easy to disappear in places like this." It wasn't entirely a lie. Michael and Gavin were both being extra relentless that night, and Ryan had locked himself in his room without so much as a word to Ray. It didn't hurt him, not at all.

"Yeah I do know," James nodded, and Ray could have sworn something pained flashed in his eyes before he smiled again. "But I doubt you could disappear anywhere. You'd light up any room you walk in."

Ray laughed and felt himself savor the way James eyes crinkled in amusement. "Do you usually use cliches on all your girls?"

"Only the prettiest ones," James drawled with a wink and a slightly Georgian accent sinking along the bottom of his word.

"Do you only know cheesy pickup lines?" Ray laughed, taking another sip of his drink, stretching his neck slightly more than necessary.

"I haven't heard you coming up with anything better," James grumbled, lifting his own drink to mouth with a smile.

"Oh please, I have the best pickup lines," Ray replied lazily, a mischievous glint flashing in his eye and along the curve of his confident smirk.

"Well let's hear 'em," James challenged. Ray's smile widened into something eerily predatory and he leaned toward the man.

"Hey girl, you must be Jamaican, because you Jamaican me crazy," Ray quirked his eyebrows as he leaned back in his seat, smiling. James started laughing and Ray felt the need to keep him laughing as long as possible. Ray was trying to think of another good one when James spoke again.

"You must be made of uranium and iodine because all I can see is U and I together," he said, beaming with pride and staring at Ray with a smirk. Ray shook his head and found himself passing cheesy pickup lines between the two of them all night, sometimes laughing hard enough to attract a few glances from the usually oblivious crowd. He didn't think of Ryan once the entire time and he smiled so much his face was starting to ache.

* * *

"Are you a vampire? 'Cause you looked a little thirsty when you looked at me!" Ray laughed, no longer trying to be smoky and flirty. He was having a genuinely good time with the guy next to him. But suddenly James seemed to sober, watching Ray carefully.

"Do you want to go back to my place?" He asked, leaning forward with a dark flash in his eye. Ray gulped slightly and swung back the final gulp of his latest soda.

"That one's not very clever," Ray chuckled awkwardly.

"I'm not joking," James responded without humor, "My place is maybe five minutes from here."

Ray glanced at the door. It was getting late and maybe it wouldn't be too bad to stay a night away from the crew- from Ryan. But then again, if Ryan thought that he was seeing someone, then he'd never stand a chance with him. He didn't stand a chance with him anyway. Plus James was nice and funny and really fucking hot. A smile curled around Ray's mouth.

"I can stand five minutes," he answered slowly. James grinned and placed some bills on the bar.

"Well then, I shouldn't keep you waiting, doll," he stood and walked towards the door in a smooth wave, daring Ray to a waltz. Ray grinned after him, inspecting the way his back muscles moved beneath his shirt before rising from his own seat and following in a slow, languid approach. James was waiting for him at the door, holding it open with one hand, and gesturing to a car with his other. It was a sports car, one that Michael talked about buying constantly. Ray let out a low whistle as he started towards the vehicle.

"I'm impressed," Ray nodded, running his fingertips over the cold metal of the car as he made his way to the passenger side handle. "And I don't impress easily."

"Glad to know I can make you feel things others can't," James smiled, sliding into the driver’s side as Ray gripped the handle and pulled the door of the passenger side open.

Before he even heard the door click shut James was pulling away from the curb in a practiced motion. Ray gripped the inside of the door slightly as he felt the familiar itch to speed down the streets of Los Santos. James, as though he could feel Ray's thoughts, pushed the speed, bending the rules of the road.

Before five minutes were up James pulled the car into a driveway in front of a secluded house. It was modest and reminded Ray of the kind safe houses Geoff always preferred. James pulled the car's key from its slot and left the car without a word to Ray. The younger man hesitated for a second, anxiety bombarding his thoughts, before he pulled himself from the car, leaving his thoughts in the seat. He followed James up to the house and watched as he opened the door, and gaped at the interior of the house. It was anything but modest, filled with furnishings that must have cost to much money. Not to mention the decked out gaming setup that filled the living room.

"Dude I didn't know you gamed!" Ray exclaimed, edging past James to look at his consoles. "This is fucking awesome man!"

After fawning over the man's video game collection, Ray turned to see why said man hadn't said anything since they left the bar. What he found made him gulp and stopped his question before it could travel to his lips. James was staring at Ray with an intense hunger that sent a tremble down Ray's spine. His eyes ghosted an icy cold trail over him. Ray felt himself take a step forward before he could grasp any cogent thought. James shrugged off his jacket in response and tossed it towards his couch, where it draped over the back. Ray felt a hunger of his own flair in the pit of his stomach and he took another step forward and, before he realized what he was doing, he was stood in front of the older man. James stared at him, eyes pointed downward to meet Ray's. Ray searched the hurricane in the man's eyes before closing his own, letting a breath slither from his mouth and down his body until it spread beneath his feet. Then there was the hot breath on his mouth that warmed his lips and kept his eyes sealed shut. And then James was kissing him.  
Ray found quickly that he quite liked the way James kissed. The way James kissed him as though there wasn't enough time in the world. The way he slid his hands around Ray's waist and pulled him against his chest. The way his tongue darted from his mouth to send shock waves through Ray's. The way his lips melded against his own. The way he kissed as though Ray was the only thing in the world that could save him. The way he kissed as though Ray was all he had ever known and ever would. It almost stopped Ray's heart in his chest as he practically melted in James' arms. Ray twisted a hand in the smooth material of James' shirt and the other found its way to his ponytail, pulling at it until a cascade of soft strands of hair fell around James' faces and brushed against his cheeks.

James pulled away and Ray opened his eyes to see his face hovering within a breath of his own. Ray could hardly see the blue in eyes as his pupils were blown wide and brimming with a nervous eagerness. James blinked once, searched Ray's face, and kissed him again. This time it was slow and smooth and sent lazy sparks to Ray's fingertips. It was soft and sent tickles of a shiver dripping down Ray's back. It curled a gentle hand around Ray and slowly massaged the air and warmed his pulse.

And then James was kissing him with an earnest hunger. Ray felt James' hands travel down to the back of his thighs, and he jumped up around his waist with hardly a thought. And then James was moving farther into the house, presumably to a bedroom, and Ray felt his heart flutter.

And then Ray got fucked to the point of forgetting about Ryan Haywood. He got fucked to the point where James was all he could think, until he couldn't think at all. And he loved every minute of it.

The last thing he remembered saying with any clarity in his thought process was "You can make me feel things others can't any time baby."  
And then James laughed and he felt a grin spread across his face. Yeah, Ryan was the farthest thing from his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments! Let me know if you'd want to see this continue. Thanks for reading this far! <3


	2. And In With The... New?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your nice comments and kudos! It was great seeing them!

Geoff's sigh resonated around the room, bouncing off walls and skidding into corners, crowding the air around Ray and suffocating him. It trembled just under his skin and ran its dull fingernails over his body. It curled around his ankles and draped around his shoulders in the most casually dangerous way. It was the kind of sigh Ray had heard from Geoff's mouth a hundred times, but never directed at him. He wasn't the problem child. He was the straight-a, tie his shoes and brush his teeth kind of kid. He did what was needed of him. He never caused Geoff a headache. That was all Gavin- and Michael. And Ryan. But never him! At least not when it came to work. Geoff's sigh wrapped a hand around Ray's heart, and started to squeeze.

"I know. I'm sorry Geoff," Ray responded, trying to answer Geoff's questioning of what exactly was wrong with him lately. "I've just been distracted."

That was the understatement of the year. Distracted didn't begin to cover it. It was more like he was living in an entirely different universe. A universe where the planets revolved around a blue sun. A universe where people exchanged bad pickup lines as greetings. A universe where you could get drunk off of Diet Coke flavored lips. A universe where Ray was caught between a blue-eyed Golden God and a hard place with a mask.

It had been three days. Ray's night with James had been three days prior but he still felt it as though it was only an hour ago. Ray couldn't help but feel the way his toes curled in James' sheets every moment he wasn't thinking, every moment he wasn't breathing. He couldn't help but feel the ghost of gentle fingers running down his spine, edging over the bumps and racing through the dips. He couldn't help but feel the hot whispers of beauty, that rivaled even the greatest poets, against his skin. He couldn't help but see James' face every time he closed his eyes. He couldn't help it. He couldn't help that every time he recalled the details to clearly he would pop a boner. He was going to need a new pair of jeans at this rate.

"Well, consider it your new job to get un-distracted," Geoff lifted a drink to his lips and Ray knew that the discussion was over. He also knew what Geoff's statement really meant. Until you pull your head outta your ass, you're not doing any jobs. Ray couldn't really fault him for that, it was probably the smartest thing for him to do.

"Yes sir," Ray saluted, turning on his heel sharply to head to his room.

"None of that 'sir' bullshit Ray!" Geoff called, equal parts amusement and annoyance creeping into the edges of his words.

"Yes ma'am!" Ray tossed over his shoulder, a smile grown on his face. He could hear Geoff's scoff and mumbling as he walked out of the common area and into the hallway. There he ran into the man that still occupied a considerable portion of his thoughts, when he wasn't shrouded in the mist of a different universe. Ryan.

"Oh hey man," Ray voice was the picturesque casualness that all friends had. His insides were a churning mess of nerves. Ryan, always preferring nonverbal communication, cocked his hand slightly, a one movement wave.

"Y'know, the past few days we've barely talked, well I've barely talked while you- just sit there and listen. But you get what I'm saying," Ray waited for Ryan's nod, or the shake of his shoulders that meant he chuckled in his usual fashion, but got no such thing. Instead Ryan seemed to edge away from him, pointing over his shoulder to gesture that he wanted to get past.

"Oh, sorry man," Ray moved to the side slightly as Ryan started making his way past Ray. He couldn't keep all of the disappointment from his voice as Ryan's figure walked away from him, and engaged in conversation with Geoff. "Didn't mean to get in your way."

It was then that Ray felt the static that crawled over his shoulder. Ryan must have bumped him there or something, because the feeling quickly moved from his shoulder into his stomach, curling it into butterflies. He stifled the urge to sigh, and walked to rest of the way down the hallway to his room. When he closed the door behind him, the sigh escaped from his nostrils in a short puff of air that fell to the ground like a lead ball, dancing between his toes.

What Ray didn't know was that Ryan's eyes had never left his back after he had turned away.

* * *

There was less people in the building than before. It made sense really, it was barely after one in the afternoon on a Tuesday, but Ray needed somewhere to be. And maybe he was hoping to spot James again. The same bartender as three days ago was there, and he poured Ray a root beer with a knowing glint of sympathy in his eyes. No one ever ran into the person again. That only happened in movies. Ray slumped in his chair and closed his eyes, letting his hand numb against the cold glass he held. He felt him before anything else. Before the greeting he offered or the hand that came to lay on his shoulder like a lifeline. He could sense the presence of someone, and as he neared Ray knew it was him.

"You must be tired, because you've been running through my head all night-s," James' smile was evident in the way he spoke, and Ray could practically see it behind his eyelids. He grinned and peeled his eyes open to look at that smile. But instead he saw only a worried frown.

"That's not usually the reaction I hope to see when people see me," he joked, patting the seat next to him for James to take. The man sank into it, the frown still gracing his mouth.

"Are you okay? You seemed upset or something," James asked, looking into Ray's face with such sincere worry in his eye that Ray couldn't help but smile. He waved him off.

"I'm fucking dandy man," Ray grinned, leaning toward James the slightest bit. "You, however, don't look to good either."

"Coming from the guy who called me 'golden boy'? And should I mention the 'fucking Greek God' comment?" James smirked, the frown disappearing as the worry still lurked in his eyes.

"Hey!" Ray pointed at the man, amusement stretched across his features, "I was in a compromised position then!"

"Trust me," James laughed, a familiar dark glint flashing over the worry in his eyes. His voice lowered to a soft purr "I'm well aware of what position you were in."

"Asshole," Ray rolled his eyes, taking a sip of his drink. The corner of his mouth twitched with a smile and he glanced sideways at James. The man was looking at him with a small smile mingled in his lips. There was something in his eye, something swirled with the amusement and underlying worry. Something Ray couldn't place, but could fell dancing around him, taunting his cluelessness. He squinted slightly at James, and couldn't help the smile that broke out as James smiled, and the skin around his eyes scrunched together in a most endearing way. Ray forgot his cluelessness and Geoff's disappointment and almost, almost forgot about Ryan.

"You're one to talk," James snorted, a diet coke can lifting to his mouth. Ray scoffed but didn’t argue. James looked at him and smiled, shaking his head slightly.

“What?” Ray asked, watching James as he looked away, eyes landing on his hands around the coke can. He shook his head again, taking a deep breath, his smile still plastered to his lips.

“Nothing, nothing,” He began looking at Ray with a content smile. He looked back down at his hands as he continued, “It’s just, you. You’re so- I don’t know it’s hard to explain.”

Ray’s own smile began to fade as he watched the other man. He saw something in his eyes, in his voice, that he had never seen before. It was almost like pride or joy. It sobered him as he watched James smile, watched his eyes brighten. He gulped.

“You could try,” He said, his voice hesitant and subtle with nerves. James looked at him a moment before continuing. He nodded slightly as he began, as though cementing his thoughts into words with the simple movement. Ray watched him silently and motionlessly.

“Ray, you’re so-- you’re funny as all hell, clever and witty. You have this enticing confidence but you can also be shy or- or timid and it’s really- I don’t know, endearing? You’re handsome and charming and adorable and unique. You’re just so, you.” James’ words were awkward and inexact but they shook Ray to his core, touched him in a way he had never felt.

James looked at him and shame dripped into his eyes. He coughed and looked away, “I’m sorry. That was probably really weird. I’ll just- I’ll leave you be.”

“No, no!” Ray said, grabbing James’ shoulder as he began to stand. “No. That was really cool. I mean it was kinda weird, not gonna lie, but it was really nice. Thank you.”

James looked at Ray for a moment, searching his face before smiling, “You’re welcome.”

Ray suddenly felt nervous under James’ gaze and looked away saying, “And, uh, ditto”

James laughed and any tension that sat between the two crumbled and fell away. Ray broke into a smile again and pushed his hands off of James’ shoulder.

“Shut up! I was being nice. I’m not awesome at words like you,” He defended and James laughed harder, smiling. Ray soon began to chuckle along with James and the two laughed together in an almost empty bar at one in the afternoon for longer than what was probably necessary.

* * *

“What’s got you all excited X-Ray?” Gavin was sprawled across the couch as Ray rambled on about some obscure video game. Ray looked at him from where he sat on the floor against the couch. He froze mid sentence, smile wrapped around his still open mouth. He closed his mouth and shook his head.

“Nothing,” Ray said, going back to his game of Call of Duty. Gavin looked at him, puzzled, and titled his head. The brit watched his friend play his game with an unusual amount of energy. Since two nights ago Ray had been noticeably happier, spending a lot more time with the crew.

Ray could feel Gavin watching him, but he honestly didn’t care. He was hardly paying attention to his game as he thought about why he was actually excited.

_The two had been talking for a while when James suddenly stopped their conversation._

_“Do you want to go get dinner with me sometime or something?” He asked, watching Ray smile at him._

_“Like a date?” Ray asked, amusement seeping into his words. James rolled his eyes slightly before answering._

_“No, like a business meeting,” he deadpanned. “Yes a date. I was thinking maybe Thursday night?”_

_“Sure, sounds fun.” Ray shrugged, feeling a strange giddiness rise in his stomach. James beamed at him and he couldn’t help laughing at the man._

Ray was ripped from his thoughts as Gavin jumped up on the couch to look over the back of it on his knees. Ray looked up at him with a disgruntled look before realizing who it was that Gavin was talking to.

“Ryan! I felt like I haven’t talked to you in ages!” Ryan had just walked into the room for the first time all day. He had stayed out the entire time the day before and had gotten back after everyone else had gone to sleep, or at least into their rooms.

Ryan rolled his eyes under the mask and held up three fingers to Gavin, telling him it had only been three days. The lad huffed slightly before sitting back down on the couch.

“Don’t be a minging spaff, Ryan,” Gavin scowled. Ryan shrugged as he walked around the couch to sit in the armchair by it. Ray tried not to be hyper aware of his every move as he continued his game.

When Ray dared to spare a glance at Ryan, the older man was already watching him through the mask. He tensed slightly, trying to focus entirely on the game only to find he couldn’t. He could feel Ryan’s gaze on him.

Did he know about his date? Did he know about James? Was he upset? Did he care? Would he care? Why would he care?

Eventually Ray got fed up with Ryan watching him, so when he finally died in his game, he just stormed out of the room to the privacy of his bedroom. There, he tried to banish all thoughts of Ryan from his mind. He tried to ignore how much he missed talking to man; how much he wanted to know what had happened to make Ryan pull away. He tried to figure out why he felt vaguely guilty. He fleshed out his anger towards the man out loud.

“That fucker thinks he can just walk around all silent like, ignoring me. Thinks he can just stare at me and expect me to put up with it,” Ray seethed. He paced back and forth in front of his bed, one hand tangled in his hair and the other running over his face over and over. “Who the fuck does he think he is? Like he’s the center of my universe. Not any more. I mean he’s not- he never was. God dammit!”

Ray collapsed onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He sighed and watched the light as it wavered above him with a passing airplane. He let the tension melt off of his shoulders and seep into the bed to be forgotten momentarily. As soon as his shoulders drooped into the softness of the mattress though, a wave of sadness washed over him. A sense of mourning for the loss of his friend, a member of family. For Ryan. He flipped onto his stomach and pushed his face into the bed until he could see no light and he couldn’t breath. He squeezed his eyes shut and curled his hands into fists against his legs.

Why couldn’t he just be friends with Ryan? Why couldn’t he just talk to him and forget all about stupid teenage crushes? Why couldn’t he just smile at his best friend like he used to? Why couldn’t he let his face light up and beam at him for the stupidest reason? Why couldn’t he just see Ryan’s shoulders shake with a silent laugh? Why did he miss it so much? Why did it hurt to think about?

Ray pounded his fists against the bed making everything bounce slightly. As he lifted himself off the bed a fraction of a inch with every punch, light would seep into his eyes from the darkness. He felt his glasses pressed against his nose painfully and saw the wrinkled sheets where his face had been planted. He huffed and sat up roughly.

If the only way to get the hurt of Ryan out his chest was to be with James, then he would savor every minute he spent with that man and his stupidly pretty face.

* * *

Ray fidgeted in front of the mirror in Gavin’s room. He tugged at the collar of the button up he borrowed from Gav. It was dark gray and he couldn’t help but tug at his jeans in doubt. He didn’t think it matched well enough. It seemed to casual.

“Dude, it’s fine like that,” Michael told him from the where he lounged on the bed with Gavin. The two were poking at each other as Ray readied himself for his date with James. He had gone to Michael for help after digging through his closet and finding only t-shirts and hoodies. He had whined at Michael and sprawled across him until the other lad finally agreed to help. And he promptly went to Gavin for clothes. The three lads had spent the last hour in Gavin’s room as Vav raided his own closet for suitable something for his X-Ray and his date.

“Really? You don’t think it’s to informal?” Ray asked, turning to the other two lads and scrunching his nose as he looked down at himself.

“Of course X-Ray!” Gavin gushed, smiling at his friend. “Whoever the lucky bloke is will love it. It is wonderful, innit boi?”

Michael rolled his eyes at Gavin good naturedly, making Ray smile. Gavin squawked and pushed at Michael. Ray shook his head as the two started wrestling. He glanced at his phone and realized he still had half an hour before his date. He turned to leave the room, tossing a quick farewell over his shoulder for the boys.

He left the penthouse and decided to go on a drive until it was time to meet James at the restaurant. He climbed into one of the cars and peeled out of the parking space and the garage. As he felt the concrete of the garage give way to asphalt under the tires, he drove without much thought and let his mind wander. He wanted to try and soothe some of his frazzled nerves before seeing James. As he drove through the streets of Los Santos, the sun began lazily sliding down the sky, leaving a trail of colors, and he realized he was going to be late if he didn’t start towards the restaurant. Before long he was parked outside the place James had told him about. Ray swallowed, steeling his resolve before he entered the building, his nerves rattling around his bones.

The first thing he saw when he entered was James seated at a table already, smiling at a waiter that was speaking to him. Taking a deep breathe, Ray walked through the place towards him. As James caught sight of him approaching, his eyes lit up and Ray savored the look on his face. The waiter left the table as James kept his eyes glued on Ray.

“Sorry if I kept you waiting long,” Ray said as he slid into the seat opposite James. He ran a hand down his shirt nervously and flattened out any creases on the folded napkin in front of him. It was a nice restaurant.

“No, I’ve really only just gotten here myself,” James shook his head, smiling at Ray, who was beginning to feel woefully underdressed. James was wearing a suit jacket, and though Ray couldn’t see them, he knew he was wearing nicer pants then himself. Ray glanced around feeling out of place.

“You look great,” James commented, as though he could tell what Ray was thinking. Ray drew his gaze to James and felt himself begin to relax.

“Not nearly as great as you,” He ran his eyes over James, grinning. The other man rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help smiling. The two lifted their menus without another word. They didn’t say anything else until after their waiter walked away with their orders.

“I’m really glad you agreed to do this with me,” James smiled, and leaned towards Ray on his folded hands against the table.

“You make it sound like something dirtier than it is,” Ray commented, smirking. James shook his head, looking up towards the ceiling. Ray laughed and James’ face broke out in a grin.

Ray could already feel the hurt in chest disappearing. It was being replaced with something much different.  Something much more comfortable. Something warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Thanks again! <3


	3. I Look At The Sky And See You Without Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than the others. It's just a quick little chapter focusing on Ryan and whatever the hell it is he's doing.
> 
> Enjoy!

Ryan woke with a start, his eyes jolting open as his body went rigid. There was a pressure against his chest that wasn’t usually there. He looked down and his body melted into the pressure. 

Lying against him, curled in on himself and sound asleep, was Ray. He murmured in his sleep and pushed his face further into Ryan’s chest. The older man smiled and toyed with the hair on the back of Ray’s head. The younger man stirred slightly but settled with his head angled upwards and his lips faintly parted. Ryan smiled down at him, his eyes wandering over his face. Ryan felt his arms tighten around Ray as his smile faded and his eyes drooped. 

He felt the steady rise and fall of Ray’s chest and couldn’t help the bone deep regret that tugged at him. A cold, harsh pebble of shame settled itself in Ryan’s stomach. The man slipped his arm out from under Ray and slid out of the bed, careful not to jostle his companion. Ray shifted, grumbling, for a second, but eventually fell back into place.  Ryan watched him for a brief second before turning and slumping into the chair that was across the room. Squeezing his eyes shut, Ryan let out a sigh and lifted a hand to cover his face.

He couldn’t help the rush of emotions beating against his chest. There were a million different thoughts and feelings that were impossible to keep track off. A large part of him was happy, content, with this new relationship he found with Ray, but the other part was just sad. A sadness that was a fatal cocktail of guilt, shame, anger, and self-loathing. He was sad that he couldn’t make himself tell Ray about his feelings as Ryan. He was sad that Ray was falling in love with James, and not Ryan. He was sad that Ray would never love Ryan, the way he does James. He was sad that Ray trusted him so completely. He was sad that the only way he could get Ray to love him, was to become someone else. He was sad that he had become someone else. Mostly, he was sad that he was lying to Ray with every moment he spent with the younger man. He was sad that he was lying to the one person he loved most in the world- and who could destroy him with no more than a handful of carefully welded words. 

Suffice it to say, Ryan was sad. 

But he was also happy. A happiness that flowed through him as a mixture of contentment, infatuation, exhilaration and joy. He was happy that Ray was falling in love with James. He was happy that Ray would love James in a way like he loved no other. He was happy that Ray trusted him so completely. He was happy that he was someone else for Ray to love. Mostly, he was happy that lying to Ray meant that the other man would love him. He was happy that with one lie, Ryan could make the person he loved most in the world, look at him the way he had always dreamed of. 

Suffice it to say, Ryan was happy.

However, Ryan was mostly just confused, conflicted, and collapsing under the weight of what he created. He was confused as to how he could be happy and sad about the same things. He was conflicted over which emotion to follow. He was collapsing before the world’s eyes as his shoulders drooped towards the ground, where he could lay forever and watch the world crumble around him without a worry. 

Except for Ray. That’s what it always came back to. Every motion he made, every decision he fraught over, every breath he took and every beat his heart pushed against his chest when he thought of him. Ray. He was so absolutely, completely, intolerably in love with the snarky, scrawny hispanic kid with the most dangerous aim in all of Los Santos. He was in love with the funny, adorable hispanic kid with the biggest gamer score out of everyone he’s met. He was in love with Ray. And it was slowly killing him. 

It would eventually kill him.

It would kill everyone in the whole goddamned world if Ryan let it. 

Ryan needed to calm the fuck down. 

The most feared man in all of Los Santos needed to take a hot bath, or go for a walk, or something, before he exploded. And took the whole city with him. 

He was becoming a bit of a drama queen (becoming, please, he had been a drama queen since day one).

Ryan  lifted himself off the chair and silently made his way over to the door, freezing when Ray began to stir as he opened to door. He slipped out of the room while Ray slept peacefully. Ryan stepped out onto the back porch, which faced Mt. Chiliad, and watched the night sky twist above him. He could hear the faint sounds of the city behind him- a distant police siren, fading yells, and faint music. Taking a deep breath, Ryan starred up into the sky helplessly. A desperate, almost child-like, look painted itself across his face in the colors of the the sky above him. He didn’t know who he was speaking to, if anyone at all, but he had to ask.

“What the hell am I doing? How could I think this was a good idea?”

“What the hell am I doing out of bed? How could I think this was a good idea to leave Ray to come out here?”

“What am I supposed to do next?”

Ryan sighed again, a soft torrent of air through his nose and his shoulders dropped even closer to the ground. His whole being seemed to sag as he thought of the force of his actions. As he thought of Ray and the look in his eye when he looked at James and  when he looked at Ryan, he realized exactly the things he was doing to the younger man. He was breaking his heart and filling it at the same time. 

His head was starting to hurt.

Ryan jumped when a sudden weight leaned against his back, cold hands pressing into his spine. Ray was leaning into his back with his eyes closed as he spoke.

“James, what are you doing out here?” 

“I was having some trouble sleeping. I come out here to think.”

“What’re you thinking about?”

“You.”

“Stop being such a sap and come inside. It’s cold and I’m tired.”

“Okay.”

Ryan smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes as Ray pulled him back inside. 

Ryan looked at the shorter man in front of him and smiled softly. 

_ You. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all your kind words and kudos. It's been amazing seeing it all. Let me know what you think of this one. Thanks again! <3


	4. When The Curtains Rise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back! I am so so sorry that its been a while. Life was kinda kicking my ass there for a bit, but I'm back in business now! This chapter is the most action-packed one yet. I changed the tag and rating for it and everything! There's probably only going to be one or two more chapters after this depending on if I want to write an epilogue (which I probably will). Anyway, that's all for now. Enjoy!!

The next time Ray woke up, drops of sunlight were seeping onto the bed through the blinds, and the space next to him was cold and empty. A brief jolt of panic coursed through his spine, making him jolt up in bed and survey the room. He saw nothing, but didn’t relax until he heard some muffled shuffling behind the door. James was fine. He was fine, he was just in the other room.

Ray collapsed back in the bed, his sudden burst of energy draining from him. He threw a hand over his face, blocking the heavy sunlight from reaching his eyes, and grumbled. He listened to the quiet movements behind the door, feeling a smile begin to creep up on him. As he lay sprawled across the bed, Ray thought about all that had brought him to this moment.

“Worth it,” He whispered to the empty room, a smile plastered on his face as he envisioned the look on James’ face when he laughed. Eventually, Ray grew bored and heaved himself off the bed. Making his way through the house, he soon found James in the kitchen, cooking something that smelled delicious, and humming softly.

Ray smiled and silently walked up behind James, wrapping his arms around the older man’s waist and resting his head against his soft t-shirt. Ray couldn’t help but pout slightly when James only reacted with a quiet, content hum. He was was hoping to at least startle the man.

When James turned in his arms to place a kiss on his forehead, Ray mused at the domesticity of it all. He had never imagined himself in a relationship as domestic as with James, at least not realistically. Sure he had had his daydreams about Ryan, but he understood that would never happen, for a plethora of reasons. Like how they were both some of the most wanted criminals in Los Santos, or how Ryan probably didn’t even feel the same about Ray anyway. The Puerto Rican felt a wave of bitterness wash over him, but he quickly staved it off, focusing instead on the wonderful man in front of him.

“Mornin’” Ray grumbled into James’ chest, smiling despite himself.

“Good morning,” James chuckled and turned back around to finish whatever it was that he was making. Ray stepped back from the man and leaned against the counter behind him. Watching James, he smiled broadly and let a happy feeling settle itself around him.

His peaceful moment was, however, cut painfully short by the shrill ring of his phone. He dug it out of his pocket and sighed. Only five other people had this number besides James, so anything that was about to come from this wasn’t going to be good.

“What’s up?” Ray answered the phone as he began to wander out of the kitchen and away from James’ ears. He didn’t want the man to know just yet that he was the infamous Brownman from the Fake Ah Crew.

“Get your ass back to penthouse,” Geoff’s voice commanded though the cyberspace. Ray held back a sigh as he continued, “Crew meeting in twenty. Don’t be late.”

Then the line was silent as Ray squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. He just wanted to spend the morning with James. He sighed as he trudged back into the kitchen, glaring at the world.

“Hey, I’m really sorry about this, but that was my boss,” Ray looked up at James with apologetic eyes, “and he says I have to be at a meeting ASAP. So, I’ve gotta run out on you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright,” James shrugged with a smile, “We’ll just have to pick this back up sometime later.”

Ray’s face brightened at that and he beamed up at the man. “Great! I’ll text you when I get out the meeting and maybe we can meet up or something.”

“Sounds like a plan,” James nodded, smiling reassuringly at the younger man. Ray suddenly felt bashful, to much like a lovesick teenager for his liking. He dashed out of the house with a quick goodbye, and found himself riding the elevator up to the penthouse fifteen minutes later.

He fully expected to be the last one to show up, but when he strolled into the planning room, Ray keenly noticed the lack of a certain masked maniac. He couldn’t help but tilt his head at Ryan’s empty seat in confusion. Usually he was so punctual, but before he could really begin to worry, the man in question walked into the room and took his usual seat next to Ray.

“Good. Now that we’re all here, I can start,” Geoff began, with a pointed glance at the R&R Connection. Ray shrugged slightly. “We’re gonna Heist kids. And it’s gonna be a big one.”

* * *

Turns out, Geoff wasn’t exaggerating when he said it was going to be big. He was planning on having them hit the biggest bank in Los Santos. It was ambitious- even for them. Ray couldn’t help as his stomach curdled at the thought of not being able to see James for who knows how long afterwards.

He let his mind wander as the rest of his crew rehashed and argued every detail of the heist until it was perfect. He let the mindless game in his DS lull his thoughts into a passive sleep. Eventually all of them agreed on the details, somewhat begrudgingly, and Ray was released into the wild with a toothy grin from Geoff.

“This time next week boys, we’ll be rich!” He exclaimed, his enthusiasm filling the room. Jack rolled her eyes at him.

“We’re already rich Geoff,” She commented with raised eyebrows. Their conversation continued as Ray left the room with Geoff’s words rattling around in his head.

A week. He had one week with James before he would have to go underground to avoid the heat. No leaving the safe house, no contacting anyone, no anything. He was dreading it already. He sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time that day and made his way to the front door. He slipped out of the penthouse with little resistance and called the elevator back up to the floor.

As he climbed into the elevator and pulled out his phone, Ryan came dashing through the doors. He was gripping his own phone in his hand and Ray watched as he stopped in the middle of the small space, watching the younger man lean against the handrail along the wall. Ray raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t say anything as he turned back to his own phone. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Ryan mimic his movements, shaking his head at himself.

Ray ignored his surroundings as he opened his messages. Clicking on James name- which definitely didn’t have a little heart next to it- he typed out the text he had promised almost three hours earlier.

**Hey sorry that took so long just got out wanna meet at our usual place?**

The response came moments later, a quiet chime bouncing around the elevator.

**Of course! I’ll see you there bby ;)**

Ray the couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his mouth as he rolled his eyes. James was always such a dork. Ray loved it.

Ray loved him.

Ray _loved_ him.

_Ray_ loved him.

_Ray was in love with James._

He was so fucked.

* * *

Ray was fucked.

Ray was so so fucked.

He was going to die.

They were all going to die. They were all going to die on the streets of Los Santos with bags of stolen money because Geoff was _ambitious_. Which was just a kinder phrase for batshit crazy.

Ray stayed perched on the rooftop, sniping any cop he could get his sights on, but they just kept coming. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. They were supposed to get in and out in twenty minutes, not be stuck in a firefight with the entire Los Santos police department for twice that. It was supposed to go exactly as planned. They had planned for everything. Except for if there was a cop in the building. Except for if the place was swarming with police ten minutes earlier than they were supposed to. Except for if the crew was stuck, surrounded by the city’s police force instead of halfway across town like planned. Nothing was going according to plan.

Ray’s whole life wasn’t going according to plan.

God dammit.

And now he was going to die surrounded by the sounds of a war that the Los Santos police were tired of losing, and wishing for one last look into James’ beautiful face.

Ray felt his chest tighten with the thought of the older man, who would surely be heartbroken. Would he find out who Ray really was? Would he be left wondering what had happened to the charming Puerto Rican boy, until he found someone else? Would he miss Ray? Would he curse the world in all its twisted glory for giving him a taste of paradise, and ripping it from his tender hands so cruelly?

Ray always became a bit of a drama queen when his life was on the line. And this time they were surely going to die.

Ray watched as Ryan fell backwards, a bullet ripping through his shoulder because Ray couldn’t get there quite fast enough. Painfully hot panic coursed through his body like electricity and Ray wasn’t thinking as he dropped his sniper over the ledge and onto the ground far below. He wasn’t thinking as he sprinted down the fire escape, Ryan’s name drowning on his lips as he fought his way through a battleground to reach the fallen man.

He was coughing when Ray got there, barely propped up on one elbow to shoot the cops that had begun to swarm the two. Ray’s breath caught in his throat as he beheld the sight in front of him. The fearsome Vagabond, backed against a car with shot out windows and firing into a sea of bodies that just seemed to keep multiplying, blood pooling around him from the ragged hole that ripped through his insides. He was a fallen angel, fighting for his wings.

At a wet cough from Ryan, Ray shook those thoughts from his head and ran into a kneel next to the wounded man. He quickley opened up Ryan’s jacket, his hands smearing with blood, and surveyed the damage. The bullet had gone straight through and left Ryan bleeding on the concrete. A lump of panic formed in Ray’s throat as he frantically searched his surroundings for a way out before his beloved friend bled out in front of him. He found none.

Ryan began shaking his head, and Ray could tell from the movements of his mask that the older man was about to say something, and he ached to hear his voice one last time. Despite that familiar ache though, Ray stopped him before he could continue as a last sprig of hope clawed it’s way up his throat for the light it so desperately needed to flourish.

“You shut your damn mouth, Haywood. Don’t you dare say a goddamn thing Ryan, I swear,” Ray snapped, his voice hard in fear, yet melting from a deep sadness that began to overwhelm him. “You’re not dying, you hear me. Not here, not yet. Not like this. You’re a fighter, the best one of us. If anyone can make it through this shit storm its you. So shut up with your weak ass last words, and goodbye shit and start fucking shooting again.”

Ryan hesitated for a moment, but by some ungodly miracle, he listened. He listened to the scrawny hispanic kid who couldn’t really force him to do anything if he didn’t want to, and started firing carefully aimed rounds from his shaking hand. Ray nodded once in satisfaction before ripping a sleeve of off his worn purple hoodie. He winced as the seams tore, but continued nonetheless to tie it around Ryan’s injury, watching as it bloomed with a deep stain as it soaked up the blood that was leaking from Ryan. He began to feel sick and quickly looked away, instead searching again for an exit.

There. _There!_

There was alley easily within running distance that they could get to. If they could just clear the three or so cars blocking the entrance. Ray’s heart soared with hope as he felt like crying. They could make it out. They were going to make it out.

They were going to _live_.

Ray whooped in celebration and turned to Ryan with bright eyes. He grinned wildly at the man and he probably looked like a crazy man but he didn’t care because he was going to _LIVE._

_Ryan_ was going to live!

“Rye-bread! You’ve gotta have a grenade with you right?” Ray asked frantically, his smile growing as Ryan nodded. “Give it to me!”

Ryan dug into his pocket,and pulled out a grenade that he pressed into Ray excited palm. Ray turned eagerly back to the alley, taking aim, but before he could pull the pin out of the explosive, Ryan gripped his shoulder with tight fingers. Ray turned to him with a confused look behind his crooked glasses. Ryan held up one finger solemnly. That was his one grenade.

That was their one chance.

Ray nodded, his excitement and relief being restrained by overbearing fear. He gulped and squeezed his throwing hand into a fist to stop his shaking. He had the best aim in the entire crew. He could throw one lousy grenade into an alley. With his entire family’s lives riding on that throw. No biggie.

He carefully took aim again, trusting Ryan to cover his exposed arm from the storm of bullets around them, and slowly exhaled. He lobbed the grenade as the last of the air left his lungs. The round black smudge arched through the air and Ray held his breath. It seemed as though the entire world stopped as the grenade reached the peak of its path. Then it fell. There was a beat of absolute silence as Ray watched the alley with a bated breath.

Then the world ended with bang.

The cars flew outward away from the alley, knocking down most of the police force as they went. Ray screamed in joy, ignoring the way his heart stopped when Ryan pulled him into his chest to protect him from the blast, and jumped up, pulling Ryan to the alley. The older man stumbled, dizzy from blood loss, but they got there in record time. Ray pushed his companion into the first car he saw and clambered in. Just as Ryan was pulling away from the curb (Ray has no idea how the wounded man ended up driving, don’t ask), Ray saw the rest of the crew emerge from the alley with wide smiles, and pile into a car. The two vehicles sped away from each other and it wasn’t long before Ryan had them lost in the traffic they had caused.

Ray pounded his fists into the roof of the car, adrenaline pumping through him in waves. It was amazing.  

Before he could even process what was going on, Ray found himself being rushed into a safe house by Ryan. The house was dark as Ray turned to the mask with victory on his face, but he couldn’t help but notice a few things. Like the way one of the couch cushions slouched slightly lower than the other, or how there was one XBox controller thrown haphazardly on the coffee table where he had left it.

Ray recognized this house.

It was James’ house.

Ray’s feeling of unending victory turned into one of horror as he looked at Ryan. His stomach dropped to his feet, making his knees wobble and his hands sweat. A deep, black dread poured over him like mud and he could almost taste the earthy bitterness of it as his mouth went dry.

“Ryan, we have leave,” He urged in a hushed tone. James could very well be in the other room. “We have to leave right now.”

Ryan placed his hands on Ray’s shoulders, taking a deep breath and shook his head.

“Yes!” Ray argued, lifting his hands to try and push Ryan’s grip of his shoulders. He ended up just grasping at his fingers. “We have to leave!”

Ray felt tears begin to well, the emotional whiplash of the day finally catching up to him, and he could feel himself begin to tremble. He cursed himself up and down internally for being so weak, but all he wanted was to be engulfed by a pair of warm arms. He couldn’t tell if it was Ryan’s or James’ chest that he sought after in his mind’s eyes.

Ryan took another deep breath, his fingers curling into Ray’s shoulder. “Ray.”

Ray’s eyes blew wide in panic. James.

He looked over Ryan’s shoulder, searching for the source of the voice. He couldn’t connect the two, not yet.

“James! Is that you? Stay where you are! Give me one second!” Ray’s tongue was coated in thick distress as he struggled against Ryan’s hold.

“Ray!” Ryan suddenly spoke, drawing the younger man’s attention to the voice he had been trying to find. “Ray, stop.”

Ray’s face crumbled into confusion as he stared at the mask Ryan always wore. As quickly as realization started to trickle into his mind, denial flushed it out. He numbly shook his head, his eyes looking off into the distance.

“No.” It was barely a whisper, so quiet Ray almost didn’t believe it had slipped from the grasp of his mouth and twisted around their legs. Ryan slumped, his grip becoming shallow and weak.

“Ray, I’m so sorry,” He breathed, shaking his head as he refused to look at the younger man.

Ray lifted a hand slowly, reaching towards the mask that he had wanted for so long to see underneath. He stopped an inch away from it. He couldn’t breath. Wouldn’t breath.

As the mask lifted away from Ryan’s face and into the Puerto Rican’s hand, his world shattered.

“James?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Sorry for the wait again, hope this made up for it. Please leave a comment or kudos, they are greatly appreciated. Until next time <3


	5. You'll Be Here With Me, I'll Be Here With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So this is it, the last official chapter. It's not super long or anything but I think it matches the story pretty well. I'll probably post an epilogue at some point to wrap up the story in a nice fluffy bow because I am trash for lovely FAHC Raywood. Anyway, enjoy!!

“Ray, I’m so sorry. I was going to tell you but-” Ryan’s voice trailed into background noise as Ray was overwhelmed with emotions.

Confusion, anger, relief, love, sadness, grief, and betrayal were just some of the the heavy hitters. Most of all he felt like just punching Ryan, or James- or whoever the hell he was.

So he did.

Ryan reeled backward, eyes wide with shock and a hand coming up to rest on his face. Ray’s fist had connected just below his lip. Satisfaction ran through Ray’s veins, quickly followed by icy guilt and then fiery indignation. 

Ryan just look hurt.

And that hurt Ray more than anything. 

Before Ray could open his mouth to apologize- or yell and scream, Ryan was straightening himself and practically jogging out of the house. Before Ray could do anything, he was gone. The man he loved was gone. 

Ray had pushed him away. Literally. 

The lad sank onto the couch next to him, his limbs feeling heavy with regret. His eyes slid closed and he released a broken sigh from his lungs. He was so tired.

He was so  _ confused _ . 

But at the same time, it all made sense. All of it. Why Ryan would always seem so skittish or ashamed around him. Why James never seemed to be shocked by anything Ray said or did. Why James always seemed to show up at just the right times. Why Ryan would cling to his phone just as pathetically as Ray would. Oh god, it all made sense now.

How did he not see it sooner? How did he not recognize him sooner? How was Ray so blind? 

And by what miracle did Ryan actually go to all this trouble just to make a relationship with him, Ray, of all people? 

_ Love. _

Ray ignored the whispering voice at the back of his head, pushed it down to avoid the implications. 

Could Ryan actually love him? Could this actually be happening?

Was this real life? Or just a fantasy?

Ray sighed, commanding himself to just  _ focus _ . Ray could do that. Ray could focus on Ryan- on James. He could do this. He could wrap his brain around this, if he would just focus.

He just couldn’t seem to understand why. Why would Ryan want to trick him like that? Was he just stringing him along? Was it all one big joke on Ray? Was he just using Ray for kicks?

No.

No, Ryan would never. He cared too much to ever hurt anyone in the crew, let alone Ray. He couldn’t have faked all of it. Couldn’t have faked the late nights they spent on Mt. Chilliad, or the little notes he left for Ray, or the gentle shake of shoulders whenever Ray joked, or how sometimes, when the moon was especially high in the sky, covered by clouds but still shining, their shoulders would end up brushing against each other until Ray could feel his head droop onto Ryan and the welcoming dip of his shoulder. It couldn’t have been all faked. It had to be real.

It had to be. 

Ray’s heart skipped bitterly as wisps of memories haunted Ray, in that dark house that he had begun to think of as a second home. 

When he opened his eyes again, he found himself curled into the sheets on Ryan’s bed. It smelled like the older man. Like the bark on a tree that had either just been cut or just begun to grow, and soil that always ended up mingled with the gunpowder stained hands of his lover, and fresh blueberries bought from a roadside stand. It smelled like Ryan. It smelled like Ryan when he took Ray on nice dates and showered him with little gifts. It smelled like Ryan when they tripped into bed together, too engrossed in each other to care if the world was even spinning. It smelled like Ryan when he would throw his head back and laugh as Ray grinned at whatever stupid joke he had made. It smelled like Ryan when he would grumble at Ray when the lad would beat him spectacularly in video games or when he would cheer for the both of them when they dominated the multiplayer world. It smelled like a home that Ray was willing to settle into.

It smelled like James.

It smelled like Ryan.

It smelled like love.

Ray stared up at the ceiling as he was overcome with longing. He needed Ryan with him. He needed him like a fish needed water. He needed him like a fire needed oxygen. 

He needed him like Gavin needed his laptop.

He needed him like Michael needed his explosives.

He needed him like Geoff needed his booze.

He needed him like Jack needed a vacation.

He needed him like Ryan needed … 

Ray.

Ryan needed him. He needed him just the way Ray had always wanted him to. The masked murderer needed the nerdy gamer like the sharpshooter sniper needed the dorky geek. 

They needed each other.

Ray began to sob. 

He didn’t entirely know why, except that the ache in his chest was starting to spread to his limbs and it hurt worse than anything else he had ever felt. He didn’t know how to control himself as his body was wracked with hoarse sobs that echoed through the empty room, only serving to remind Ray of the absence in his heart that was reflected by the house wrapped around him. 

He sobbed until he couldn’t anymore. He cried until the tears refused to sprout out of his eyes. He clung to the sheets around him until his grip loosened with the dreary blankness of sleep.

He stayed there, curled in on himself and hiding from the world until Ryan finally did return, his own regret and guilt storming around him in a whirlwind and his wound treated. His heart melted when he saw the love of his life looking infinitely small in his bed. The bed he had come to think of as  _ their  _ bed, in  _ their  _ room, in  _ their  _ house. 

And Ryan let himself, for first time since he met Ray, to simply be content that he had the younger man with him. He let himself let go of all his worry and anguish, if only while Ray slept. 

He climbed into bed besides the smaller man, smiling as Ray quickly crowded into him. He wrapped his arms delicately around the sleeping body, careful not to wake him, and let the peaceful bliss of sleep blanket his thoughts. It was the best sleep he’d gotten in a long time. 

And it was all because of the tear stained hispanic kid who was clutching to him like he would disappear into the void of the dreamworld at any second.

Ryan knew there was no need for Ray to worry. He was never leave him. He was never closing his eyes on the Puerto Rican again. 

He was Ryan Haywood, and he was in love with Ray Narvaez Jr.

* * *

Ray woke to the steady rise and fall of a chest next to him. As the events of the day before came rushing back to him, even though he never stopped replaying them once, he let himself sag into the man next to him. He let himself let go off his confliction and just was, at least until Ryan woke. He let himself breathe without thinking, and listened to the heartbeat of his companion. 

For the first time since Ray had met Ryan, he let himself simply be. He didn’t worry about what he could improve or change. He didn’t worry about whether he was good enough for the crew or for Ryan. He simply laid there, fingers tangled in Ryan’s shirt, and watched the way Ryan’s eyes flicked in his sleep or his mouth moved ever so slightly, hinting at the dreams that ruled his mind.

Ray watched as Ryan nuzzled his head into Ray’s hair. He felt Ryan’s arm tighten around his waist and shoulders. He listened to the raspy breath in his ear. He smelled the scent of just sheer Ryan radiate into him. He could practically taste Ryan’s lips on his, and that was enough to make him shake the other man awake. 

“Ryan,” Ray muttered, shaking the slumbering man’s shoulder. “Ryan wake up.”

Ryan woke suddenly, shooting upward in his bed and reaching for his gun. Ray heard the cock of the gun echo in his mind and he watched Ryan look around frantically.

“Are you okay?” He questioned, turning to look at Ray, “What’s wrong?”

Ray didn’t know what to say. Should he explain that he was missing Ryan. That he wanted to feel the way Ryan’s lips slotted against his. That he was sorry. That he forgave him. That he loved him.

“You were cuddling into me,” Ray eventually dumbly said. Ryan’s momentary confusion was replaced with shame as his face flushed. He stumbled backwards out of the bed and away from Ray. Away from Ray.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” He coughed, looking anywhere but at Ray. Ray watched him for a second, noting the way he had captured his lip between his teeth and was biting down, hard.

“You’re going to make yourself bleed,” Ray commented, gesturing to his own lip. Ryan looked startled as he released his captive lip, eyes now trained on Ray. The younger man looked away, shrugging. “It was okay.”

“The cuddling?” Ryan asked, taking the smallest step forward, watching Ray.

“Yeah. It was nice, actually,” Ray muttered, “Really nice.”

Ryan smiled slightly, taking another step forward, “Yeah it was. I’m sorry I didn’t ask before I got into bed with you.”

“I think you’ve learned by now that I’ll say yes every time,” Ray had meant it as a joke, but it came out almost bitter sounding. Ryan looked down, guilt written all over his features, and took a step back. Ray frowned and felt like crying again.

“That came out wrong,” He explained. Ryan shrugged before looking up at him briefly.

“I mean you’re not wrong,” Ryan mumbled, his voice soft and quiet, unlike what it had ever been. “You have every right to be mad. To hate me.”

“I know.”

Ryan gulped, staring at his feet, and spoke in such a quiet tone that it reminded Ray of when a little child was asking if he was in trouble. “Do you? Hate me, I mean?”

Ray waited a minute before answering, watching the way Ryan seemed to deflate more with every second that passed. Ray’s heart sank as he watched, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak, not yet. He found comfort in the silence of the unsurety. He found comfort in the fact that at that moment, he could burn down the house he had built for himself, or unlock the door and air out the stuffy smell of stale air. He found comfort in the fact that Ryan cared enough to ask. He found comfort in the fact that Ryan was uncertain enough to ask. He found comfort in Ryan.

“No,” He nodded, looking at Ryan with soft, sad eyes. “I could never hate you.”

Ryan seemed to deflate even more, and for a split second, Ray was filled with panic that he said the wrong thing. Should he have started screaming and yelling? Should he have threatened to shoot Ryan if he didn’t leave? Should he had actually shot Ryan?

“Thank god,” Ryan breathed, walking back up to the bed and standing before Ray. He leaned forward and a relieved smile overtook his features. Ray couldn’t help but smile back, a giddy feeling rising in throat. 

“Can I kiss you?” Ryan asked, sounding like a lovesick teenager from a movie. Ray was overwhelmed with adoration. He grinned, a smile to match Ryan’s.

“Why else do you think I woke you, idiot?” He sniggered, closing his eyes and Ryan crashed their lips together. Ray melted into the kiss, grinning and wrapping his arms around Ryan’s neck as the older man climbed onto the bed and pulled him close. 

There in the strawberry light of the rising sun, Ray and Ryan sat together, absorbed in their own world, and fell in love over and over again.

Ray kissed Ryan and it was nothing like the first time he had kissed James, because this was irrevocably, undeniably Ryan. It was everything he had hoped it would be. It was everything it could be. It was everything it had ever been. It was everything it would be.

It was everything they would be.

Gentle, and loving but rough and awkward. It was perfectly them.

It was perfect in the way that their bodies didn’t slot together like they were made for each other, but rather allowed for them mold their lives into something perfectly, dangerously, completely flawed. Flawed in the most beautiful way. Flawed in way that made it perfect. Flawed with love.

He was Ray Narvaez Jr. and he loved James Ryan Haywood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. A nice happy ending. I don't know I how I feel about how the ending turned out, to be frank, but I can't think of any other way to put it. I hope you enjoyed it and thank you all so much for your kind words and kudos. They've meant the world to me! Keep an eye out for an epilogue in a day or two (probably). Until then, <3


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I said I would post an epilogue to wrap everything up, and here it is! Finally... sorry if anyone was waiting on the edge of their seat. I'm not gonna lie, I have no good excuse for taking a week, I'm just trash. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯   
> Speaking of trash, you can follow me on tumblr at lamertgarbo.tumblr.com   
> Maybe I'll talk about fics and take requests! Mostly I'll just talk about my lovable nerds though. Stop by sometime!   
> Enjoy!!

They weren’t perfect, and they certainly weren’t couple of the year, but Ray and Ryan got along pretty well as boyfriends. Mostly. They had their fair share of fights, who wouldn’t when they both live such high risk lives, but they always made out and made up. Mostly. There was one thing that Ray never let Ryan live down. No, it wasn’t the time Ray found the gent dancing to cheesy 90’s pop music in the shower. It was the fact that Ryan fabricated a whole new person to get close to Ray.

“Kinda stalkerish Rye,” Ray would sing-song on the good days. The days when they could lounge together in Ryan’s house, playing video games and sharing lazy kisses. The days when Ray would play with Ryan’s hair endlessly and Ryan would pull the lad onto his lap and never let go. 

“You’re a LIAR Ryan! How can I trust you!” Ray would scream and holler on the bad days. The days when stress wringed the both of them inside out and they couldn’t spend more than five minutes together without a screaming match filling the dead air between them. The days when Ray couldn’t hold back the angry tears that clouded his glasses and Ryan pretended not to notice the thoughts that would plague him and insist he wasn’t good enough for Ray; that he was hurting the younger man by just existing. 

But somehow, no matter what kind of day they had had, the two would always end up in bed together, clutching to the other like they could be blown away by their mingled breaths. They always ended up with moisture around their eyes, from either sweat or tears, that reminded them of their fears and love. They always ended up wrapped together in a blanket that could hold in their smiles and protect them from the monsters for the night. 

They were the “ _ it _ ” couple of Los Santos.

How their relationship was outed to the public, they had no idea (okay, maybe victory kisses in front of the tellers they would rob wasn’t a good plan). Yet somehow a local news station caught wind of it and ate it up. In less than an hour every news channel, social media feed, and chat forum was focused solely on the newest power couple in town. Never mind it was two notorious, murderous criminals, reporters and fan fiction writers alike had to feast.

It delighted Ray and irritated Ryan. Ray would call for Ryan frantically whenever he saw a news story on the two or came across a particularly scandalous fanfic. Ryan would always groan and roll his eyes, but stayed nonetheless, because if it could put a smile on Ray’s face, it was worth the humiliation.

“We’ve got to try that sometime Ryan!” Ray bounced gleefully on their couch, jostling his laptop. “Sounds fun.”

Ryan huffed at Ray’s extravagant showing of wriggling his eyebrows at the older man. 

“It looks like there’s a seizing caterpillar on your face,” Ryan said as he plopped onto the seat next to Ray. The lad scrunched up his face in disgust, and Ryan couldn’t help but laugh at how cute he was. 

“There is one thing that I’ve noticed in these stories that’d I’d be willing to try though,” Ryan nodded, pretending to be lost in thought as Ray looked at him with wide eyes.

“What? What is it?” He questioned, turning to face Ryan completely. The gent got a wicked glint in his eye as he shrugged, waving a hand dismissively. 

“Oh, you don’t wanna know,” Ryan sighed, hiding a smile behind his carefully neutral expression. “It’ll probably just weird you out anyway.”

“What? No!” Ray shook his head frantically, “Nah, I’m down for anything! What is it?”

“No,” Ryan shook his head again, “You don’t wanna know.”

“Baaaaabe!” Ray whined, shaking Ryan’s shoulders as he toddled over to man on his knees. “Tell me! Please! You’ve gotta now!”

“Fine fine,” Ryan conceded, grinning wolfishly. “You just have to promise not to freak out. Okay, baby?”

“Yes! Yes, fine!” Ray exclaimed, bouncing excitedly again. Ryan sighed once more, looking at Ray with a fond smile. 

“There’s this thing that they always talk about, and I’ve been thinking for a while now. And I want to try it with you…” Ryan trailed off, pretending to be nervous as he slipped a hand into his pocket. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever! What is it!” Ray yelled, his patience worn thin. He knew that, at this point, Ryan was just dragging it out to get to Ray. He couldn’t help his reaction, curiosity and excited anticipation fueling him.

“Marriage.”

* * *

 

“One of our aerial cameras picked this up earlier this morning,” A blonde newscaster reported, gesturing to the picture displayed on the screen. “It would seem that Los Santos’ favorite couple, Brownman and the Vagabond have gotten married despite being some of the FBI’s most wanted .”

A pixelated picture appeared next to the woman, showing a blurry photo of the two crew members making a getaway on Vagabond’s bike. The picture was focused on their hands, where two bands of matching color could barely be made out. 

“These images of matching rings,” The vague blobs of color were suddenly highlighted by bright red circles, “were captured today as the Fake Ah Crew escaped from authorities after robbing the Vinewood branch of the Los Santos Bank.”

A new picture of Vagabond and Brownman back-to-back was plastered on the screen. They were standing outside a bank, shooting at the oncoming patrol cars. Vagabond was masked, as always, but Brownman’s smile was prevalent in the photo.

“This criminal duo, dubbed the R&R Connection, has been the talk of the town for years now,” The woman’s bright red lips spread into a smile and she brought the segment to a close. “So, that begs the question, what will they do next?”

“At least they got my good side,” Ray shrugged as Ryan clicked off the television. 

The gent sighed, but smiled anyway. He pulled Ray closer, the hands entwined, and smiled. 

It was a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is, a short, sweet little chapter to end it. Thanks so much to everyone who left comments or bookmarked or left a kudos. You guys are amazing! Seriously, the best. Hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading! Until next time <3


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